Pete Davidson? Nope. We Pick a Classier Guy to Be People’s Sexiest Man Alive

Editor’s note: Vinay Menon, a known sex-pert columnist, is writing here for NPR’s Curious George magazine. He is a correspondent for NPR’s “News Junkie” podcast and a former senior editor at Ozy.

We were disappointed when People magazine elected comedian Pete Davidson to be the sexiest man alive this year.

But now that it’s happened, we’re even more disappointed.

We can’t believe how much wrong the magazine got it this year. It’s completely inaccurate to say Pete Davidson is, like, the “sexiest man” in show business — not in the world.

We took a quick look at the top 10 sexiest men in America, looking for candidates from Hollywood, journalism, sports, tech, gaming, education, politics, and the “fashion and style” department. We came up with a diverse group of bearded, shirtless and unshaven dudes, all of whom, let’s face it, are way hotter than Pete Davidson, who starred in “Fargo” on FX.

See for yourself.

Then Pete Davidson comes out in his suit and “SNL” announcer Colin Jost comes out in a black turtleneck — and Pete Davidson? On the list.

Pete Davidson clearly does not belong here. This top 10 list belongs to a musician who loves and wears flannel shirts. Nobody loves and wears flannel shirts. Nobody wears flannel shirts. Nobody likes flannel shirts.

There are lots of rich dudes in America, celebrities like Alec Baldwin, Vince Vaughn, Kevin Hart, and Ben Affleck, who are on People’s top 10 list. Pete Davidson certainly is not one of them. He’s a struggling, insecure comedian who tweets strange things and occasionally posts very sexist, homophobic jokes on Instagram.

He has 4 million Instagram followers, which is amazing because he has nothing else to promote besides his new Comedy Central show “South Park: Fractured But Whole.”

We honestly could have put up Jason Isbell or Beck, both musicians who are actually very attractive, but there was no room for them. We simply could not choose between people like Tyler, the Creator, Dapper Dan, Marilyn Manson, Lil Yachty, Fetty Wap, or Chance the Rapper.

We liked both Taylor Swift and Idris Elba in the judging panel, but had to leave them off the list. Basically, we had to pick between the fabulous singer Rihanna and the great actor Idris Elba. That’s a tough one, you can’t have a good Halloween if you don’t have a vampire, but we had to make a choice.

And so we settled on Rihanna. She’s rich, famous, beautiful, and on fire. But how about that “Stranger Things” star Finn Wolfhard? He’s just 16. He does not have the same towering look, but his sugary eyes have the same golden glow. Plus, he looks like he walked out of a high school photo shoot from the 1970s.

For the record, Pete Davidson was never going to be the sexiest man alive. Our safe guess is that a second winner, if there is such a thing, will emerge soon. A very hunky, very handsome, photogenic gentleman, we promise.

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